I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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