Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
