He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
