Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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