They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
