sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
