Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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