I am puke
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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