also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
