my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
