so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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