you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
