How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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