you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
