They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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