I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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