so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize