this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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