rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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