I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
where are you?
Hypothermia
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
