i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
