lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
