i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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