Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize