i'm lost and i look like a hooker
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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