I can't breathe out the right side of my face
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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