Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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