No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
