youre lurking in front of me
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
