i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
