The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
do herpes really smell.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
