I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
When are your genitals available?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
