i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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