does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
