it wasn't lemon gatorade
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
