:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
