I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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