I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
