I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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