i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
