hell yes lets make some ravioli
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
