break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
