literally had 100 drinks last night.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
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Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
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my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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