My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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