I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
