i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i think i just lost a toe
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
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