He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Damn victory sex feels great
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
