Betty ford says i'm here all night
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
