he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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