Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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