Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
