Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
