I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
