It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
