Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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