We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
well you can't waste a boner
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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