Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
