For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
