i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
