Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
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how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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