I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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