Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
