Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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