Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
