get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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