so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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