Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
