So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
