mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
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Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
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I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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