my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
