i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
