whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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